Dude, She’s Going Through the Change.” Why So Many Men Don’t Understand Menopause (and Why It Matters)

By Next Chapter Magazine

I grew up surrounded by guys. Like, a lot of guys. skaters, gearheads, musicians.

I’ve always been that “one of the boys” type—blunt, quick-witted, and unbothered by a little trash talk. I’ve been front-row for every type of guy conversation from high school antics to midlife meltdowns.

But here’s the wild thing I’ve noticed lately:

Most men have absolutely no idea what perimenopause or menopause even is.

And I’m not just talking about the 20-something crowd—I mean men in their 40s, 50s, even 60s. Married men. Dads. Men who live with women going through it right now.

One day I was chatting with a longtime guy friend of mine. He was venting about his wife—how she was “moody,” “snapping out of nowhere,” “not herself lately.”

I stopped him mid-sentence and said,

“Friend… she’s going through the change. Give her a break.”

He looked at me like I had just told him aliens were real.

“The change?” he said. “What the hell do you mean the change?”

I said “ menopause”

This man is in his mid-fifties. Married for over twenty years. And yet menopause was some big, mysterious force he barely recognized, like it was something that happens to other people—like jury duty or lightning strikes.

That moment stuck with me. Because it wasn’t just him.

I’ve had similar conversations with so many of my guy friends.

These are good men—loving husbands, fathers, friends—but when it comes to menopause, they’re totally lost.

Some are in complete denial that their wives could be experiencing it.

Others are weirdly uncomfortable even hearing the word.

Some assume it’s just what old people get. Lol ( news flash we are old now)

Let’s break this down real quick:

Perimenopause can start as early as your mid-30s, but most commonly hits in the 40s. It’s the rollercoaster before menopause. Mood swings. Irregular periods. Brain fog. Sleep issues. Hormonal chaos. Menopause is technically one year after your last period. But the symptoms can last for years. It’s not a “woman’s problem.” It’s a life phase. Just like puberty, just like parenthood—it affects everyone in the household.

Now, I’m a girls’ girl to the core. I check on my ladies, make sure they’re good, bring up the stuff we’re told to suffer through quietly. But I also check the guys.

Because y’all need to know this stuff.

Not just so you can be more understanding partners, but so you stop making your wife feel like she’s broken, crazy, or “too much.”

She’s not.

She’s human. And hormonal. And navigating one of the most physically and emotionally intense transitions of her life.

Men—if you love your woman, this is your cue to lean in, not pull away.

Google a little. Ask her how she’s feeling. Don’t roll your eyes at her night sweats or joke about her “forgetting everything.”

This isn’t weakness—it’s transformation.

And trust me, if you support her through it, she’ll remember that forever.

(Assuming the brain fog doesn’t kick in. Kidding. Sort of.)

So to my guys:

The next time your wife or partner seems like a different version of herself, don’t retreat.

Don’t take it personal.

Don’t panic.

Just ask her what she needs.

And maybe—just maybe—learn what “perimenopause” means.

Because growing older together means actually growing together.

And that includes learning about each other’s chapters, even the messy hormonal ones.

Xxoo